A different type of timed event: the Bobby Bosch Relay Race

It’s not serious. I mean, it is serious, but the big prize is fun, not money. Of course there is a need for rules and a sanctioning body. By and large judges at these events are just rendering judgment on the fly and that’s that. Punishments and penalties for infractions, given the somewhat lax environment, tend to be creative.

To get you on the right track here, penalties for racing safety infractions have included mandatory wiring of the 6 tone car alarm siren to the ignition with constant hot (so the car is racing with this annoyance blaring). One penalty involved instructing a “civilian” on how to operate a manual transmission before being allowed back on track. There’s also the Grille of Damocles, presented to habitual tailgaters: a Volvo grille, modified to accept tons of threaded rod. The grille, which is then mounted to the offending car, has that rod oriented to point right at the radiator to discourage the aggressive driver. And if “Build A Cardboard Engine” doesn’t put a smile on your face, I don’t know what could.

The Relay Race is administered when a Lemons car is black-flagged. The offending team is taken off the track to suffer a lap/time penalty, which is variable: the team is presented with ten relays plucked out of the salvage yard. Nine are good. One is not. The vehicle and driver are permitted to get back on the track and racing when the bad relay is identified and presented to the judges.

I thought this was fun when I learned about it, and I bet you will, too. If you’re still learning (and maybe convinced relays run on magic smoke), the Dorman Training Center has a pretty killer video that can help demystify the electrical diag process. (Skip to 39:39 for a super-rapid VD test being performed on a Bosch-style relay.) 75% of the wiring diagram for one is there, too. I always have to look these up when I need to test one.

It’s a deceptively simple penalty. I love it. I would giggle about it, and get back on the track quickly, I think, and you probably would, too. But it does point out how painful most people find electrical diagnostics and troubleshooting, and it’s a nice commentary on the exasperation that we all have suffered chasing mysterious maladies—and maybe a good reminder to bone up on some of the basics now and again.